Where have I been?

I have not added a post for a little while and wonder why? I suppose it has been a busy couple of weeks and I have done a lot of teaching meditation and Buddhist ideas which has taken up time to prepare classes and then teach them. I usually find this a wonderful experience and afterwards am left feeling incredibly blessed and peaceful, happy. But this time I feel a little confused. I feel as though I am learning at a fast rate but my ordinary self has not caught up yet. That I am coming to know things about life, true and real things like an awareness of the suffering out there and right here and also the truth of our own mortality as I go through a minor health issue. But that I do not have the inner tools yet to cope with this knowledge and awareness. Though I imagine that it is all in here somewhere but I have not accessed it just yet. I wonder if I am making sense? Anyway it feels like a major growth phase for me which I am smack bang in the middle of and not quite able to see the other side yet. And I don't usually like sharing uncertainty or any less than upbeat thoughts or feelings and perhaps that is why I have stayed away from this space. But here I am today mainly because I don't know where else to be. There are other places of course, like my creative writing or pitching articles, sitting on my meditation cushion and preparing for tonight's teaching, cooking or doing domestic duties that are all staring me in the face and need to be done. So these are the places I will go to next but for now it is nice to be here, being open about being confused and not knowing or needing to know if anybody will read this but sharing my feelings all the same. Sharing them with myself in a way and grateful if they resonate with anybody else. With love and a little light, K.xx